171+ Hilarious Time Puns That Will Make You Roll

time puns

Want to add some laughter to your day? Time puns are a fun way to do it, but coming up with clever ones can be tricky.

You might find yourself stuck, unable to think of anything that will get a chuckle from your friends or family. Well, worry no more!

We’ve compiled a list of over 171+ hilarious time puns that will make you and your loved ones roll with laughter. 

Get ready to tickle your funny bone and enjoy some side-splitting humor to brighten your day.

Let’s dive into these amazing time puns and discover the joy of wordplay!

Best Time Puns to Brighten Your Day

Best Time Puns to Brighten Your Day

1. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

2. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence.

3. I wanted to be a clockmaker, but I just couldn’t make the time.

4. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.

5. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

6. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

7. What do you call a dinosaur that is always late? A dino-snore!

8. I couldn’t decide whether to go to the gym or the bar. It was a toss-up.

9. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.

10. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

11. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

12. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

13. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

14. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

15. I’m not a procrastinator. I’m a deadline enthusiast.

16. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

17. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

18. I’m reading a book about the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.

19. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

20. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

21. Broken pencils are pointless.

22. How do you organize a space party? You planet!

23. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

24. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

25. I’ve never gone hang gliding. I just haven’t got the hang of it.

26. I’ve never been skydiving. I just haven’t gotten around to it.

27. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

28. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!

29. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

30. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

31. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!

32. I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

33. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

34. I once got fired from a canned juice factory. I couldn’t concentrate.

35. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.

36. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

37. Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable.

39. I once got fired from a calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

40. I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.

41. I was going to tell a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy.

42. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

43. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

44. The best way to start your day is to wake up.

45. I’m an early bird, and I’m an early bird.

46. My watch is three hours fast, and I can’t fix it. So I’m going to move to New York.

47. The only thing worse than waking up early is not waking up.

48. I hate when I’m studying and a velociraptor throws bananas on me. It’s such a distraction.

49. The shortest horror story: Monday morning.

50. I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.

51. Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field.

52. What did the nearsighted optometrist say when he was sick? I can’t see myself coming in today.

53. The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.

54. Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.

55. I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing.

56. Elevator installers have the best job. It has its ups and downs.

57. My boss hates it when I shorten his name to “Dick” ― especially since his name is Steve.

58. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

59. My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my train of thought.

60. The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.

61. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

62. Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about forever.

63. I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.

64. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.

65. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.

66. The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.

67. Why did Saturday and Sunday get married? Because they were weekends.

68. Wednesday is hump day, but has anyone asked the camel if he’s happy about it?

69. If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.

70. Mondays are the start of the work week, which is why Garfield hates Mondays. Gafield loves the weekend. It’s a whole two days of sleeping.


 My favorite winter activity is going back inside and putting my pajamas on.

72. I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back.

73. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s sitting.

74. My wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

75. My gym locker combination is 4-8-37. I’m telling everyone because no one will ever use it.

76. Dear Santa, before I try to explain, how much do you already know?

77. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.

78. Don’t make snow angels in a dog park.

79. The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.

80. What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador.

81. I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

82. Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.

83. Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

84. How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream.

85. Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.

86. Did you hear about the man who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

87. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

88. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

89. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a crap in days.

90. Time waits for no man unless that man is Chuck Norris.

91. A day without sunshine is like night.

92. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

93. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

94. To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian.

95. The best way to carpe diem is to seize the day.

96. When you look closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.

97. I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

98. You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.

99. The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

100. If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

101. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

102. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

103. I’d tell you a joke about infinity, but it would go on forever.

104. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

105. I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!

106. The rotation of the earth makes my day.

107. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

108. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

109. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

110. A minister, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type-o.”

111. My buddies and I started a band called ‘Duvet.’ It’s a cover band.

112. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

113. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

114. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.

115. When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.

116. How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

117. I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

118. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

119. My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting, “Be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

120. What do you call a dinosaur that is always late? Dino-snore!

121. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.

122. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

123. Why are pianos so hard to open? Because their keys are on the inside.

124. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

125. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

126. What would Bears be without Bees? Ears.

127. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

128. Give me the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

129. Have you played the updated kids’ game? I Spy With My Little Eye . . . Phone.

130. There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.

131. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

132. Two wifi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.

133. I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

134. I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise. We haggled for a few minutes, and he gave me a 5% raise. Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”

135. “I’ll call you later.” Don’t call me later, call me Dad.

136. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.

137. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

138. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

139. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s two tired.

140. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.


141. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.

142. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.

143. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

144. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

145. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? I am a nervous wreck.

146. Why are ghosts such bad liars? You can see right through them.

147. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

148. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it!

149. I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.

150. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

151. I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

152. I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.

153. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

154. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

155. I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

156. When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.

157. I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu, I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite.’

158. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

159. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

160. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.

161. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

162. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

163. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

164. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

165. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

166. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

167. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.

168. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.

169. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

170. I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience.

171. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

172. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.


Time puns are a delightful way to add humor and lightheartedness to your day.

From silly one-liners to clever wordplay, these 171+ unique puns showcase the versatility and creativity of language.

Whether you’re looking to break the ice, brighten someone’s mood, or enjoy a good laugh, these time-related jokes are sure to do the trick.

Puns have the power to connect people through shared laughter and can be a fun way to bond with friends, family, or even strangers.

So, the next time you need a quick wit or a playful quip, remember this collection of time puns. 

Now, go forth and spread some time-inspired humor!

David Brown

David Brown is a comedy writer with a sharp wit and a love for puns. He has written for various comedy shows and websites, making people laugh with his clever humor. Outside of writing, David enjoys performing stand-up comedy, cooking new recipes, and playing guitar. He studied English Literature at New York University, where he developed his love for wordplay.

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